Being confident in ourselves is the key to living a happy, healthy life, period. Every single aspect of our lives depends on it. Want to have better relationships with friends and family? Confidence. Want to ask for a raise at work? Confidence. Want the courage to leave your shitty job to build your dream career? Confidence. Want to dump the loser and decide you’ll only allow men to treat you well? Confidence.

So often we hold ourselves back in every part of our lives. Insecurities pop up daily and keep us from having meaningful, yet difficult, conversations. They keep us from demanding positive treatment from our friends and significant others. They tell us bad things are going to happen if we make a change. They prevent us from loving ourselves.

Everyone struggles with insecurities and self-doubt – and the sooner we realize it, the sooner we’ll be able to conquer our own. But everyone can also deliberately increase their own self confidence. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what job you have, where you are from, what background you have, or the “truths” you tell yourself.

The first thing we must do if we want to become more confident is truly to believe that confidence is everything. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This is because it doesn’t matter what we want to accomplish or create – we have to believe we have the power.

Think this is a bunch of hippie, Buddha loving, spiritual yoga teacher crap?? Think there’s no way that sitting around thinking about how great we are could actually help us? Think confidence just comes to the lucky “chosen” ones with perfect hair, rich parents, and no student loans??

You’d be right.

That’s because it is SO true what Henry Ford said. We all have beliefs we hold onto strongly. Many of these are so ingrained in us that we subconsciously know them as “truths”. We simply can’t accept that maybe we have the power to change things in our lives. Those “chosen” ones who have successful careers and great relationships simply got lucky. That’s all it is. Luck.

If you choose to hold onto those beliefs and continue to view them as true, that is fine. But if you want to begin living a life full of purpose, full of passion, health, happiness and success… let’s choose to expand our minds to other possibilities. Maybe those people didn’t just get lucky. Maybe “luck” is part of the story we tell ourselves as to why we aren’t successful. It’s easier than accepting that we have to change something, isn’t it??

So how do I become more confident??

Okay, okay fine. Maybe my poor attitude has a little bit to do with the way my life is today.. Maybe deep down I know it isn’t all luck and circumstance… but how am I supposed to become confident?? And why, oh why, can’t I look like the freaking girls on the explore page of Instagram?!

Confidence isn’t about being the best looking person in the room, or having the hottest boyfriend, or making the most money. It’s about not allowing those things to even be a conversation in your head. It’s about appreciating every unique detail there is about you. It’s knowing that everyone is struggling with insecurities and doubts – and that there is much more to love about you than you give yourself credit for.

The first step is truly understanding these facts about confidence. Believing in its importance. Believing that we have the power to change ours. And knowing that it is a lifelong journey.

Step 1: Love yourself, dammit!

One of the reasons why confidence is so important is because if we aren’t confident, it means we aren’t truly loving ourselves. Confidence means trust. It means having faith in our abilities and powers. If we are lacking these things, or allowing insecurities to fester in our minds, we are choosing not to love ourselves.

The next time you hear your insecurities playing out in your mind, ask yourself “would I talk to someone I love this way?”. Would you greet your best friend with, “WOW, Sarah, your hair looks amazing today – NOT. Why are your teeth so crooked? Can we do something about those eyebrows? And WHEN are you going to lose 5 pounds?!?” I sincerely hope not. So WHY do we greet our own face in the mirror with these hurtful words?!

You are the only person who gets to choose the soundtrack of your life. Choose wisely. When negative thoughts start piling up in your head, simply choose to think about something else. When you wake up in the morning and think “GREAT – here we go again. It’s 5:00am and I have to shower, get ready and go be at my stupid job all day and then come back home to this stupid apartment….” No. You wouldn’t allow someone to talk to your best friend like that. Don’t allow those thoughts to exist in your mind.

Step 2: Give your comfort zone the boot

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” If only

I had known this when I was about 13 years old.

This simple piece of advice.

Because that’s when it all started, at least for me. That is the year I started public school. Eight grade. MAN were people mean. Like really, really mean. Insecurities and self-doubt were basically all I knew. Just about every girl in my class hated me. Why? Probably because I was so damn pathetically insecure and therefore the easiest target around.

Who really knows.

What I do know is that I battled insecurity for years – long into high school. Becoming somewhat popular helped, but I was still deeply insecure and allowed people to treat me like crap. Especially boys. Why are the biggest douche bags the most attractive anyways?!

OH YEAH – it’s because they are usually confident. Seriously, look it up. It’s why we like bad boys. It is in everything.

Anyways – back to the comfort zone thing. If I had known back then that all the annoying circumstances that we are dealt, all the creepy bosses, all the mean girls, all the public speaking (my worst fear for YEARS).. would lead me to becoming more and more confident and therefore happy and successful.. I would have approached them much differently.

I am going to challenge you to a mindset shift. Let’s approach every bad circumstance, every awkward encounter, all the things we think we “can’t” do – with a mindset of: This will make me more confident. Tackle this speech in front of the whole class? It’s going to make me better, and make it easier the next time I have to do it. Break up with the jerk? It’s going to mean I love myself more. Quit my safe, comfortable job and jump into the unknown?? I will be stronger. I will become fearless. I will live my best life.

Every time you leave your comfort zone and try something new and scary – THAT is how you develop confidence.

Step 3: Focus on steps 1 and 2, for now.

I went through years of struggling with self-doubt. I, of course, still do. It’s a lifelong journey to develop authentic confidence. But I constantly used to hear or read about how important confidence is. Be more confident. Be more confident. Be more confident. Okay, HOW?!

There are MANY ways. For now, focusing on a positive mindset of self-love and identifying ways to push yourself out of your comfort zone are a solid place to start. Let’s take this one step at a time.

What are some ways you are going to practice self-love and giving your comfort zone the boot?? Comment below!