Isn’t it remarkable that women now make up 56% of college undergraduate degrees, 57% of all master’s degrees and 53% of all doctoral degrees in the United States? And yet, somehow, we continue to earn less than our male counterparts for the doing the same job as them.  Why is that?

Is there some illuminati-esque organization where men are secretly plotting to underpay women??

Do men convene in a conference room prior to hiring a woman and conspire to offer her 20% less than they would if she were a male?

Probably not.

The Confidence Gap

The truth of the matter lies in what we call The Confidence Gap. Numerous studies show that women rate themselves far less confident than men in their abilities to perform their jobs.

When a promotion is available, women consider themselves far less “ready” than men. This is a major problem if we ever want to compete for equal pay. Because until we do just that – compete – we simply have no grounds to complain about the topic.

Yet another area where perhaps gaining confidence can give us a boost – the job search itself. Studies show that men tend to apply for jobs when they meet 60% of the qualifications, yet women only do when they meet 100% of them.

Yes, it could also be impacted by the way girls are raised. We are more likely to be socialized to obey rules than boys are. At a young age, this can impact our beliefs regarding them. We may assume that the qualifications are set in stone and not want to waste our time.

Either way – knowing and spreading the statistics about the need for women to branch out when applying to jobs can only help us. Why not take the time in your next job search to go after it?? What if you are eligible for your dream job right now, and just simply haven’t applied?

Ask For It!

Alright, so how exactly does the confidence gap translate to less money in our pockets? We simply don’t ask for it. In research outlined in her book “Women Don’t Ask”, Lisa Babcock, a Carnegie Mellon Professor (and fellow Pittsburghian!), outlines just how bad this affects us.

She found that men are four (four!) times more likely to negotiate their salary than women. Not only that, but when women DO gain the courage to initiate a negotiation, we are asking for 30% less dough. Sigh.

So what can we do? March in the streets with picket signs? Call Congress and complain that there isn’t some law protecting us? Allow the government to dictate how much we should get paid?

Instead – what if we decide right here, right now, yes I am talking to you, to simply ASK FOR IT?!

Okay, okay I know. It’s not so simple. I’ve been there and it takes tremendous courage. It is one of the scariest conversations I’ve had by far in the business world. Maybe one of the most intimidating in my life, period.

I came up with many excuses as to why I just shouldn’t negotiate. I was being offered a promotion in two instances, for example, with large pay increases.

Wouldn’t it be greedy to ask for more? Shouldn’t I just be happy with what they offered me? Is it truly worth the risk of rocking the boat?  Sound familiar?

But I know deep down inside all of us – that courage is there. We’ve just got to let her out and hear her roar. If we aren’t willing to force ourselves to ask for what we want, and encourage (read: push) others to do the same, how can we honestly complain that women are paid less?

Is that really fair?

If you are still with me and haven’t declared that this concept is wildly misogynistic – hear me out. There is a way we can fix this. And it starts with all of us women knowing these stats.

If I hadn’t read these stats years ago and made the conscious decision, or promise rather, to always always always ask for it, I may not have had the strength.

But I knew that if I couldn’t muster up the bravery to go for it myself, how could I ever encourage my friends or mentees or daughters to do it? Wouldn’t I be contributing to the gender pay gap by letting fear hold me back?

Let’s make a promise today to push ourselves to do the right thing. Let’s start with identifying 2 areas in our life where we can challenge ourselves in order to develop our confidence.

This won’t just help us bring in more cash flow – we’ll get in the habit of putting ourselves out there in other areas of our life. 

We will create happiness in our ability to overcome anything.  Forcing ourselves out of our comfort zones to tackle our fears is a beautiful thing. 

How To Get The Courage To Ask:

• Force yourself to have a difficult conversation you have been avoiding with an employee, spouse, child, friend, or relatives

• Jump in to a passion or hobby we want to pursue, but have been putting off due to fear or excuses

• Read one of these 5 books to boost your confidence

• Ask for feedback at work

• Do a voluntary public speaking assignment (gasp!)

• Go for a solo trip, activity or class

When we start to challenge ourselves in these ways on a regular basis, the fear of these encounters starts to lessen. Soon enough, we make it a habit to seek out challenges we can tackle.

We learn from facing our fears that we do have the courage inside of us. Instead of approaching life’s trials with “I can’t do that” we start to tell ourselves we can. We bring her out. We let her shine.

We walk up to the table, take a seat, and ask.

Because if we don’t ask, the answer is always “no.”

For more, follow along on Instagram @ candid.confidence!