When I think about the amount of time I’ve spent in my lifetime worrying about what other people think, its actually laughable. I mean seriously. We waste so much of our energy on the thoughts of others!
What do they think of the way I look, the car I drive, my job, my relationships, the things I say, the way I dress. Why do we let this affect us so much?
Psychologists say that these worries derive from negative self-talk and self-criticism. And let’s face it, most of us aren’t the nicest when we are talking to ourselves.
So if it all stems from criticizing and hating on ourselves, what better way to stop it than by changing the way we talk to ourselves?
Here are 5 books that helped me boost my confidence!
How An Allergy Changed My Mindset
Just 9 months or so ago, I completely out of the blue developed a gluten allergy. One day I was completely fine, the next I was having GI issues lasting about a week and a half.
I realized it went on too long to be a stomach bug, so I cut out pretty much any potential allergen from my diet. Soon enough it became clear that gluten was making me sick.
I woke up every day for weeks and it was the first thing I thought of. I was devastated. I let it completely depress me. I cried. I thought it was unfair. I spent hours thinking about all the situations where this would make my life difficult. I thought of all my favorite foods I could no longer eat.
Ironically, shortly after this happened, I read The Secret and discovered the law of attraction. (I highly highly highly recommend reading The Secret). I learned how the crazy, complex subconscious mind works. That it believes the things we tell it.
That if we are in a state of negativity, allowing ourselves to focus on what we don’t want, we will simply get more of that. We see what we want to see in life.
If we start shopping for a Jeep, we start to see them everywhere because we are thinking of them. If we live in a state of negativity, we will simply get more of it.
I learned I could choose to turn my mindset around. I learned the power of manifesting positive feelings and repelling negative thoughts.
There had to be a way to use this to change my mindset. I mean there are literally over 10 billion people in the world who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, and I was this upset over gluten?!
For weeks I practiced reshaping my mindset around the issue. When negative thoughts about it would come to my mind, I’d force them out. I’d replace those thoughts with positive ones. I reminded myself how thankful I am to be alive. I counted my blessings over and over and over.
After maybe a month of this, I literally stopped caring about my gluten allergy. It happened very suddenly. One day, I woke up and probably an hour went by before it even crossed my mind – and I thought wait, I’m not upset anymore about this. I’m over this!
Reframing your mindset isn’t easy. It takes time and practice and intention. But if you can prove to yourself that you can do this, that you are in control of your mind – you start to control your happiness.
Want more mindset tips? Tune in to the Bare Naked Soul Podcast!
What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business
Something I didn’t anticipate when I developed my allergy? People thinking it was fake. Now, I do not judge people who think it is fake. I totally get it. 26 year old girl suddenly becomes allergic to something that also just so happens to be a fad diet? Doesn’t sound believable.
People think I either am going through a phase or that it is a diet that I am referring to as an allergy. That is fine!
But it didn’t always feel fine. In fact, it was quite devastating. My loved ones, my support system, thinking I would make this up? Not everyone actually said it out loud, but their eyes said enough. I could tell people didn’t believe me. And I took that hard.
In my mind, I was going through something sad! The last thing I expected was for people to also think I was fabricating it. But the whole experience taught me something that has changed me forever.
I learned to stop giving a fuck what people thought.
I knew I had to get over these negative thoughts in my head. I knew it was a ridiculous waste of my time and energy to be focused on them.
I started telling myself over and over, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
That simple line acted as a mantra for me. I grew to eventually get over it when people would ask, “Oh, are you still doing the gluten free thing?” I knew they weren’t saying these things maliciously.
I GET why people think it’s a phase or a diet. And once it no longer bothered me, it was the most freeing experience.
I learned to not only get over what people thought of my gluten allergy – I learned to get over what people thought period. Of course it is an ongoing growth experience and I still worry from time to time, but now I don’t let those thoughts linger. I get rid of them. I replay my mantra in my head.
Challenge Yourself
It still shocks me that it took 26 years for this realization to happen that I can control my mood, happiness, and thoughts. But how can you apply this to your life if you don’t happen to have any food allergies that sound like diets?
Think of one thing about your life that gives you grief. That embarrasses you. That allows you to hold on to negativity.
Choose to move past the negativity surrounding this issue. Focus on the positive. Don’t allow yourself to have negative fantasies revolving around it. Accept the situation for what it is and let that shit go.
Develop your own mantra, or use mine. When the bad thoughts start circulating in your mind, or when you start to worry about what people think about it, push those thoughts away. Do whatever it takes to distract yourself.
We get more of whatever it is that we are focusing on. If we focus on things we do not want, we will get more of it. If we focus on the things we do want, we will get more of that.
Count your blessings. Count them again. Say out loud the things in your life that you love and are grateful for.
Empower yourself to learn that you can repel negativity, and you will gain confidence and happiness.
